"Lord is it I?" (John 14:19)

May 03, 2023

"Lord is it I?" (John 14:19) - May 2, 2023

Spiritual Thought

Prior to the Savior's suffering in Gethsemane he gathered the early apostles in order to give them final counsel and to institute the ordinance of the Sacrament. The weight of the burden which would shortly be placed upon his shoulders surely must have pressed upon our Savior's mind. He had accepted the staggering responsibility before the foundation of the world and left a Celestial home in order to fulfill his promise. All the events of this world, past and future, are merely fleeting afterthoughts bathed in the splendor of a secluded garden, a cruel cross, and an empty tomb.

As part of this Last Supper the Savior revealed to his twelve apostles that one of them would shortly do the unthinkable: they would betray him. Surely dread must have flooded their hearts and tears must have filled their eyes as the reality of his statement was comprehended. One of the Special Witnesses of Christ, the very same individuals who had been taught at his feet and witnessed of his divinity, would turn their back on all that he was and deliver him into the hands of evil men. The Savior of the World would shortly be betrayed by one of his closest friends who would reject his Master for price of a common slave. I cannot read this account without my heart aching and longing that there had been another way. However, the path of our Savior needed to be walked utterly and completely alone in order that he could truly descend below all things.

After the Savior stated the unfathomable to his apostles, told them of the impending betrayal, each one in turn asked the same four word question: "Lord, is it I?" I can envision these good men looking into the eyes of their Master and, with voices choked with emotion, seeking reassurance that the betrayer was not them. However, one of these men knew the evil plan he was about to carry out, even as he too inquired as to his innocence.

My prayer is that you and I will also ask this same question: "Lord, is it I?" The Savior has walked the path of betrayal once. Now my request and sincere invitation to each of you is that he will never be abandoned by us. We may not be able to desert our Savior to wicked men. We can, however, desert him for other Gods. Those things which draw our time, attention, and energy away from The Savior and His work. As we face the trials of this mortal journey my invitation is that you and I will continually ask this question "Lord, is it I?" That you and I will eternally be found standing with and staying faithful to our Savior is my prayer.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Weekly Update

Hello everyone,

Well, it's good to see all of you made your way back to another action-packed installment of ramblings from Elder Payne! This week we headed out to Toamasina. It's still very hot and ridiculously humid. I tried to decide what was sweat and what was just the air running down my body in rivers (which should never be allowed to happen) but decided that was a silly game to play. It would be like swimming laps and wondering why you're soaking wet. If you have to swim everywhere you go of course you're going to be wet! Elder Evans is serving in Toamasina this transfer so it was fun to be able to spend the day with him on an exchange. He's easily one of the most obedient, hard-working missionaries I've ever met. It felt so good to spend the day with someone who was pushing me to be better and work harder. One of my last companions, Elder Rasoloarivony, lives with Elder Evans so it was good to see him again, probably for the last time before I go home.

After coming back from Toamasina I was able to do an exchange with Elder Fielden and Elder Ranaivoson. It was another great day! Their area is called Ampefiloha and borders my area, 67ha. Those two areas are in the same district and the missionaries before COVID had less than flattering names for their district and areas. I think you can probably come up with a pretty good idea of what they were so I'll keep this email classy. All you need to know about the areas is there is a river of sewage bigger and more powerful than anything in Albuquerque running through the middle of them. Even Malagasies make fun of Ampefiloha and 67ha and say to be careful because you're going to get sick if you go there. The work honestly is very good in both of them though, even if you do have to spend the time walking between lessons hoping your next step doesn't make you sink too far into the "mud".

I don't think there could be a starker contrast in the Madagascar Antananarivo mission than to go from Ampefiloha to La Réunion. That's exactly what I did and reverse culture shock is an amazing, beautiful problem to have. Let me reverently and respectfully share some of the things I saw with all of you in an awestruck whisper. Food, a lot of it. Not just food but good, high quality, clean food that was more than rice and beans soaked in water. Bright lights. Traffic laws which were enforced and obeyed. This brought a refreshing sense of order to my life. White people. Underground sewers. Garbage trucks and garbage cans. There are plenty more things I could share but suffice it to say that it has been more than nice to be back in the first world for a couple days.

I'm writing this from La Réunion and have been able to do an exchange with Elder Davies and Elder Peterson. I didn't know if I'd get to say goodbye to Elder Peterson before I left so it's been good to see him. La Réunion is still a French territory and in many ways seems to be the French version of Puerto Rico. It's where all the wealthy Frenchmen come to relax and party. It's also absolutely gorgeous. Definitely the most beautiful place in the mission and easily in the top three most beautiful places I've ever seen. The missionary work is almost identical to what it would be like if I were serving in France. In other words, very difficult. For that reason I'm grateful I never served here but am also grateful I was able to visit before coming home.

Story time. Go with me in your mind to Saturday afternoon as we drive down one if exactly two streets in Madagascar where you can drive faster than 30 mph. We were running late for our flight to Reunion so I was driving as quickly as possible. Not long after turning onto this highway two police officers on motorcycles cut me off as they raced past. I don't like that very much so I accelerated to stay ahead of the black SUV with tinted windows following closely behind the motorcycles. As much as I'm embarrassed to admit this, the SUV passed me and cut back into my lane. Now I had a bone to pick so I cut around the SUV and stepped on the gas to pull ahead. I had the James Bond theme song playing in my head and kept having flashbacks to roadtrips as a child with my Grandpa. Just as I swerved to get around the SUV Elder Razafimanantsoa looked at me with a look of shock and terror and said "What are you doing Payne!? Are you an idiot?" I wasn't sure what he meant but it was too late to stop so I kept going full throttle. Just then I noticed two things. Firstly, this particular SUV was part of a line of about fifteen black SUVs and police trucks. Secondly, the license plate was red and said 0001. Immediately after passing the car Elder Razafimanantsoa yelled "You just cut off the President of Madagascar!" As he said that two more SUVs pulled directly in front of me and slammed on the brakes, obviously to get me to stop moving. At the same time another two SUVs and an armored truck escorted the first SUV out of the way. I thought I was going to get hauled off to Malagasy prison but luckily I'm still here. It was an exciting few seconds!

I hope you all have a great week!

Elder Payne

Toamasina zone.

How Elder Monte cooks an eggplant. This is why missionaries are told to get married as soon as possible when they get home. Otherwise they start cooking vegetables on open flames without a shirt on.

Pure delicacy. Red rice with ramen noodles.

With Elder Evans.

Willie Martin handcart company.

My picture which will sit in between Elder Flake and Elder Kunkle on the mission office wall for the rest of time. All of you should come see Madagascar and take a look at it!