I will tell you in your mind and in your heart (D&C 8:2) - April 7, 2020

 

Hello everyone,

 As I am sure many of you will know, the First Presidency recently gave missionaries new options regarding how they complete their service.  The options applicable to me are to either "Begin online MTC training as scheduled and begin service in either original or temporary assignment as soon as conditions allow (with original end date)" or "Delay mission and begin service within 12-18 months (with new end date)".  Both of these options would require a significant alteration to my plans for service.  As I learned more about what my specific circumstances are, it has become clear that, in my situation, these can be simplified as either going forward as planned and quite possibly never being able to serve in my assigned mission or delaying and serving where I have been called.  

The process of coming to a decision has entailed the most sincere prayers I have ever offered and the most honest self inspection I have ever performed.  Both options carry with them a plethora of possible blessings and disadvantages.  If I were to go forward could I live the remainder of my life potentially feeling as though I had been denied the opportunity to serve to my full capacity?  If I delayed, how could I overcome feeling as though I were running from my mission like a coward at the last moment?  A deserter missionary, AWOL at the cusp of battle.  How to balance the requirement to "Be not afraid, only believe" (Mark 5:36) and the desire to serve with all my "heart, might, mind and strength" (D&C 4:2)?  As difficult as this time has been I am grateful in a certain way, however, for having to have gone through this trial.  Because of this experience, through the sleepless nights and crushing doubt, my relationship with my Heavenly Father has grown more than ever before.  Through this time my prayers have not been offered as rote repetition hastily said before bed or a meal. Rather, I have offered countless prayers as a son speaking to an actual, physical Father.  I have come to my Heavenly Father as a child in desperate need of council from an omnipotent, omnipresent parent.

When discussing personal revelation we too often overlook the fact that Heavenly Father will "tell you in your mind and in your heart" (D&C 8:2).  I believe that we often become so fixated on receiving an answer spiritually, or in our heart, that we forget there is a practical aspect of revelation that will be revealed to our mind.  While it is more important to rely on the spiritual promptings of the Holy Ghost, true revelation comforts the mind as well as the heart.  We must seek answers spiritually as well as logically.  After praying, pondering, and receiving confirmation in my mind and in my heart, I have made the extremely difficult decision to delay my mission.  This choice is not the answer I wanted to receive but is the one that has spoken the most peace to my spirit and logic.  In other words, I feel that I have been told in my mind and in my heart.  This is not a cancellation or abandonment of my mission.  Instead, it is a postponement until the coronavirus pandemic is resolved and missionaries are once again allowed to freely preach the gospel in my mission.

I have previously heard Elder Bednar discuss having the faith not to be healed.  This teaching has taken on new meaning and greater significance for me as of late.  My own desire would be for our Savior to somehow end this situation and return life to normal.  As the Master Healer that is certainly within his capability.  However, for his own reasons, which we may never understand, he has chosen to subject our world to this sickness.  Do we have the faith not to be healed?  Do you and I trust him enough to discard our own desires in order to fulfill the higher purposes the architect of the universe has orchestrated?  While it is difficult to see so much of our world in upheaval, let us remember that the light of this world, Jesus Christ, has never and will never abandon us.  It is not his nature to do so.  He is a king and as such, he speaks for the crown.  His message of hope is as unfalteringly true now as ever before: "I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands" (Isaiah 49:16).  He will not forsake us now because he did not forsake us when he would have had every reason to do so.

Shortly after His crucifixion, the resurrected Christ found that his early apostles had returned to their former lives.  Several of those apostles, including Peter, had returned to their former lives as fishermen.  After appearing to Peter and what I am sure was a joyful reunion with his chief apostle, Christ repeats a simple yet profoundly penetrating question three times: "Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me?" (John 21:17)  Throughout our lives it is inevitable that, like the apostle Peter, each of us will come to a crossroads where we are posed a simple question by our Savior: Do you love me more than all of this?  Do you love me more than worldly praise?  Do you love me more than personal interests and desires?  Do you love me more than family, friends, and home?  Do you love me more than life itself and with a love befitting the Redeemer of the world?  If in that moment our answer is "yes" then his response comes back to us: "Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."  When I stand before my Savior and am asked to give an accounting of my time in mortality I want my answer apparent through action as well as word when I say "Thou knowest that I love thee." (John 21:17).

I love the Savior.  He is my king, my master, and my dearest friend.  I am grateful that, at some future date, I will have the opportunity to "Talk of Christ, preach of Christ and prophesy of Christ" (2 Nephi 25:26) as a missionary.  I am eternally grateful for the gift of His infinite atonement.  Of the drops of blood he shed I pray that not many were for me, but I thank Him for those that were.  I joyously anticipate the day in which He will return to the earth.  Not to a manger, but in power and glory as He rightfully deserves as the triumphant Savior and Redeemer of the world.  In that day when "every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ" (Philippinas 2:10-11) I am confident that words will prove miserably inadequate to express my feelings of joy and gratitude.  However, I eagerly await the opportunity to fall at His feet and, with my tears, thank Him for all that He has done for me.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is truly the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and is the only true church upon the earth.  The Book of Mormon is the word of God.  I echo Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in saying that "I want it absolutely clear when I stand before the judgement bar of God that I declared to the world, in the most straightforward language I could summon, that the Book of Mormon is true, that it came forth the way Joseph said it came forth, and was given to bring happiness and hope to the faithful in the travail of the latter days."  Joseph Smith was a prophet of God.  As a 14 year old boy he saw our Savior and, to the extent of our knowledge, became the only person throughout eternity to see our Heavenly Father in the flesh.  That is an infinite tribute to him and to the magnitude of the work that he began.  Since Joseph Smith we have been led by an unbroken chain of prophetic guidance stretching to President Russell M. Nelson in our day.  Above all, Jesus Christ lives.  He stands today on the right hand of His Father having conquered both sin and death and having eternally vanquished Satan.  Because He was the only one of our Heavenly Father's children who had no need for an atonement, he was able to complete and absolutely perfect, infinite, and individual atonement for every one of our Heavenly Father's children.  He is able to permanently erase the pain and guilt of our mistakes and replace hellish darkness with light.  His invitation to each of us today is the same as it eternally is: "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) or, in the words of Moroni "come unto Christ, and be perfected in him." (Moroni 10:32).  This is the message that I will share with the people of the Madagascar Antananarivo Mission.  It is the invitation extended to all of our Heavenly Father's children.  And it is the invitation that I leave with each of you, along with my prayer that you will accept it.

Thank you for your support, understanding, and concern,  

Croft